1. People say that inclination to complaining is in our character.
No! It is only our habit. By changing our habits we are changing our character.
2. Complaining is useful.
Hell, no! It is quite damaging belief. Why it is not useful? There are some facts about the effects of complaining:
- Our spirit is focused on a problem and can't focus on the solution,
- It prevents new views that would help us see the problem in a different way,
- It keeps our thoughts tied to the past (often to the worst memories), stealing our energy from the present (I already wrote a bit about it),
- It makes us trapped in thinking, philosophizing, preventing us to act,
- It kills our belief that change is possible,
- and maybe the worst of all, complaining is convincing us to identify with our negative thoughts and beliefs, thinking we are "cosmic victims".
No, that is so wrong. Because complaining is a habit and a temporary action to "let out the steam" is not. When something negative happens to us, it is good to share it with the people that care. Or express it through emotions, either verbally, written, or by painting/drawing. When we don't "throw out" (express) that negative emotion, it can stay trapped inside of us and do us a lot of damage.
I always like to tell a story I love about a poisonous snake that bites us. We don't die because of the bite, we die because of poison. The negative emotion that we bottle inside of ourselves is a poison that will not kill a person we now hate or dislike or whatever, it will kill us. It's like drinking poison, expecting that other person will die. No, it won't. We will die. So to let out the steam is an excellent way for our health, but it is not complaining. Letting the steam is limited in time and it is orientated to find a solution to the problem. Complaining takes a long time, usually never stops but gets momentum and becomes an avalanche - a daily routine that we repeat but never seek for a solution.
If I just complain about how there is no work, I can peacefully sit in a local cafe or pub and spend all my days there. If I let steam for being refused for a job, but then make a deliberate action like finding a book or a course how to write a better CV or cover letter, take and implement the knowledge to make new CV and start looking for another job, then it is like saying "Excuses begone!"
I always like to tell a story I love about a poisonous snake that bites us. We don't die because of the bite, we die because of poison. The negative emotion that we bottle inside of ourselves is a poison that will not kill a person we now hate or dislike or whatever, it will kill us. It's like drinking poison, expecting that other person will die. No, it won't. We will die. So to let out the steam is an excellent way for our health, but it is not complaining. Letting the steam is limited in time and it is orientated to find a solution to the problem. Complaining takes a long time, usually never stops but gets momentum and becomes an avalanche - a daily routine that we repeat but never seek for a solution.
If I just complain about how there is no work, I can peacefully sit in a local cafe or pub and spend all my days there. If I let steam for being refused for a job, but then make a deliberate action like finding a book or a course how to write a better CV or cover letter, take and implement the knowledge to make new CV and start looking for another job, then it is like saying "Excuses begone!"
